is this weird?

[Masmune]

*scratches head*

Hmm...I don't see a thing wrong with your approach. All of those things you were openly worried about didn't show in any part of your conversation with her. At least not from your account. This is just my opinion, but she doesn't sound like she's worth your time.

You'll have to pardon me if my judgement of her seems cold or uncalled for. I have a tendency to make up my mind quickly and with little information. We'll just call it a side-effect of military service. Haha!

Better luck to you Guts. You have just experienced the worst answer a girl can give you when it comes to asking them out. Even if it's just for a cup of coffee. There was one other thing that I forgot to mention before that may be of use in the future as well. If you find a girl that you fancy on the spot, then invite her into a group of people. (i.e.- Carnival, a weekly theatre viewing, COMICON Convention, miniture golf, camping, paintballing, LAN party)

Whoooaa....went way off there. You get the gist though. Isolating someone puts pressure on them, whether you or them realizes it. And most people shy away from pressure. Especially the source of it! Okay, I'm done ranting (again). Chew on that food for thought and then contemplate your next move. As always, we'll be around. Haha.

*nom nom nom* <-----Eating cookies.

[Guts]

Well be lying if I didn't say that Im rather heart broken BUT its all good her decision you know.I also feel awkward and embarrassed ha ha and I suppose she isn't worth my time seeing no matter what she isn't interested so Im not going to keep trying.I haven't ever been so attracted to someone before I mean she is the first women to grab my attention like this........she seems so unique.ohhhh sigh

I also can't invite anyone into a group of people cus I don't have a group of people.........I don't know anyone where I live and just go to work and come home.Well I lost my job so right now Im just at home all the time unless Im looking for a job.I hate it and I hate being alone all the time.

[Masmune]

Man....how the hell do I continue without it sounding like I'm trying to tell you how to live your life?

Alright. Check this out. If you think this girl is unique and thus worth your time. Then you need to assess what it is that makes her this way. If you find that there is something more than what meets the eye, then by all means ethically and legally persue her. Har har har....unless you're looking to become the ether bunny. I WAS KIDDING. DO NOT BECOME THE ETHER BUNNY.

Anyway, I digress, what it boils down to is you making up your mind. One way or the other. Got it? It may take some time, and it may not work. But it will teach you more about yourself, and those around you. Whatever you do, don't take my approach. If I were you I would have been at the bar a long time ago. Keep your head up. And never sell yourself short.

I know that it sounds like I'm trying to be both sides of the coin, but you need to get happy yo. Hunt for a job, and focus on something other than a romantic relationship. It will find you when you least expect it....

[Guts]

First off your funny Masmune "Ether Bunny" HAHAHA you goofball!

But for real if she said she isn't interested in hanging out and getting to know each other (cus I said I would like to hangout and get to know her) then wouldn't it be weird to keep trying no matter how much I would like to?As for bars I don't know how that will help I mean I use to go to bars alot didn't get me friends or anything.I mean I talked to people kinda but I didn't make any friends to hang with.

[Masmune]

From your last post it seems that you're taking a realistic view of the situation. Which is good. Chasing shadows never got anyone anywhere. And when I said that persuing her was okay, I meant that you can do so if knowing her is worth that much to you. It's all up to you.

I think you mistook my statement about the bar as something to do. Which is not the case yo. I was merely saying that the bar is where I would be, if I were in your shoes. Hell....I'd be at the bar in anyone's shoes at this point. HAHA! But...that's me. Not you.

I'm hella tired, but I'll keep me eye on the forum. If you got any more questions Guts, feel free to post them. For now, just concentrate on the simple priorities. Job (gots to make a living), Health (gots to eat), Hobbies (gots to stay sane), Friends (gots to get out there and meet new people), Family (don't know how close you are, but they're very important and will support you).

*looks in pocket*

Damn...all out of pennies AND cookies? FML.....

[Viltris]

Originally Posted by Guts

haha its sadly short and simple.I said "hey how are you doing today"(I did use her name cus I prefer to do that when talking to people) and she replyed "Im doing good thanks how are you?" I then said "I can't complain you know thanks for asking" stood their for a second or two then I just said "You know I was wondering if you like to hangout sometime cus I would really like to get to know you"then she looked at me said "you know Im really not interested" I just replyed "understandable but if you ever change your mind let me know cus I would just like to get to know you".

Look at it this way: if she has an active social life, she prolly gets a lot of guys hitting on her and asking her out. So she ends up rejecting a lot of guys because she just doesn't want to deal with it. (And if she doesn't have an active social life, she might just reject guys because she's not comfortable around people in general.)

If you want to hang out with a girl, you don't ask her if she wants to hang out. You make her want to hang out with you. Be an interesting guy with an interesting life and interesting stories. Instead of making smalltalk, being like "how are you? I'm fine, how are you?" make conversation about something interesting that happened to you. You could say stuff like "so on my way home, I ran into the cutest little puppy ever. It was small and white, and when it barked, it sounded like squeeze toy" or something like "so I had an random thought today: if you had a tree, could you make more toothpicks out of it or more napkins?"

If you don't have anything interesting going on in your life or if you don't have anything interesting to say, then you need to step back and take a look at your life and figure out how to make yourself into an interesting person. Because if you want a girl to be interested in you, you can't just be a run-of-the-mill, average, standard, normal guy that's just like everyone else. You have to stand out (in a good way). You have to be interesting.

Hope that helps!

[Guts]

Makes complete sense but if someone doesn't ask about me I don't talk about myself.The other times I talked to her awhile back it was alittle more then hi ect ect but mainly crap like that.I would talk to her about her plants which she messed with and all that junk you know I personally find most people find your stuck on yourself if you just talk about yourself without being asked something about yourself, if that makes sense......past experiences have shown me that most people think that way but thats just most people I have met.

I go to work (when I had a job) make music/sound experiments and do arcylic abstract art is this interesting?(I don't conside me good at it either and do it for fun).I don't know its interesting to me but Im not just going to say Im an artist without someone asking me what I do for fun and I think the best way to have the chance to say what I do is to hangout and get to know each other.Its personally hard for me to do this in the backyard across a fence cus I feel its more of a bother cus she is taking care of her plants ect ect so I thought the best way to get the chance to get to know each other is to hangout.I personally care more about what she is into and thats why I talk about her plants haha I mean I find plants to be ok but not my thing but I find them interesting cus she does and I kinda thought that would show her Im interested or want to know her or something and their is a word I think I was going for but I can't remember at the moment. So I have really been going about this the wrong way? I really thought if you show interest in what she is into it shows more about you(like being a good listener and junk like that) then just talking about what happened to you or whatever.Ohhh and trust me I remember everything she has said.

I mean I see what yuor saying and yes it makes sense about being an interesting person but I don't see starting off by talking about something that happened to me if no one asked shows Im interesting and not just like to talk about myself.

I also don't know if I should still try with her seeing I got rejected.I would do anything to get a chance though and I personally always give someone atleast one chance but not everyone is liek this.But man I would do anything shes who I want to be with!I find her love/passion for her plants awesome cus it shows that if she is into something she will take the time........not sure thats the way I wanted to say it but you get the point I hope.Either way Im horrible at this stuff arghhhhhhh

Anyways I rambled on sorry guys and I think I stated somethings in a blunt manner but its not meant mean or anything Im just very tired and trying to get out the words fast while its on my mind.

[Viltris]

There's a subtle distinction between talking about yourself and talking about something interesting.

For example, if you were to say "Hi, my name is blank, I'm a plumber and I've been plumbing for 7 years, and I get to fix a lot of stuff", that would be talking about yourself and that would be *boring*.

On the other hand, if you say, "So the craziest thing happened the other day. Apparently, a truck crashed into a fire hydrant and broke it and it started spraying water everywhere, so all the kids came out to play in the water from the fire hydrant. So I'm the guy they call to go fix it, and I'm like well crap, how do I do my job and fix this fire hydrant without making me seem like the mean old man ruining the kids' fun?" That would be something interesting which just so happens to be about yourself.

When people say they don't like it when people talk about themselves, what they really mean is that they don't like it when people talk about boring things about themselves. They couldn't care less what your favorite color is or how you had that long conversation with your boss about whether chairs should be 1 inch higher or lower. What they care about is the interesting stories, the clever jokes, the witty remarks, etc.

I know how you mean that you don't want to talk about yourself too much or else you'll seem too self-centered. However, when you first get to know a person, they're not thinking self-centered or not self-centered. They're thinking boring or not boring. And I'd rather be a self-centered interesting guy than a boring but friendly and selfless guy.

Sure, you can say that I'm not gonna tell this one awesome story unless they ask about it or it becomes relevant to the conversation. But why leave it up to chance? You could be the awesomest guy in the world, but if you never show it, no one will ever no. Don't let the girl probe you to see if you are interesting or not, because this girl (and *all* girls) honestly don't give a shit and will assume you're boring until you prove otherwise. Instead of letting her probe you for the interesting parts (she won't), you should just show her how interesting and awesome you are.

Secondly, it's generally not a good idea to probe a person for their interests and talk exclusively about their interests (not unless it's a shared interest), because you will be talking about something you honestly don't give a shit about and it will show. She will be able to sense that you're just talking to her because you just want to talk about her. It makes you look like (no offense intended) a loser low-life with nothing better to do than pester girls with annoying questions.

Consider, for example, how you talk to your friends. If you have a friend (for example) on the football team, you don't talk to him exclusively about football. You talk about the last movie you just saw, you talk about what you saw on the news the other day, you talk about this weird new sign that's on 4th Ave and Palm St, and of course, you tell him about the awesome thing that happened the other day.

As a final note, if she's already rejected you once, you shouldn't bother trying to talk to her again. It'll just make you seem needy and it'll prolly just annoy her more. I recommend you forget about her and move on.

[Guts]

As I said before makes sense about what you said but I actually nkow about plants which is the sad thing cus I find them abit boring.I told her a way to help her grow her tomato plants better and she did it and it worked so when I do show interests its in things I know even if its boring to me.

But either way I have no "stories" so I guess I will be alone cus I have no story to sit an tell someone that I consider a story.So if thats what people are into then I will be alone forever cus I have always been told Im different then everyone that the person has ever met and this is depressing.

All I need is someone to give me a chance like I give everyone and they would see what Im like and then be able to say I like this fellow or Im not into this fellow.I give everyone a chance even if they are very boring when we first talk.Of course it has been awhile sense I been on a date.

Im just giving up on this sh** cus no matter what or how much interest I show no one cares and Im wasting my time!

You make so much sense Viltris and I have done what you mention before and thats one reason I think the past inerest didn't take the time so Im pretty much a loser and wasting my time on a girl if I like her.Im sick of this sh** cus I know Im not trying "to hard" but I am trying!All I need is someone to give me a chance and I don't care what they think about me before we go out I just need a chance to prove myself and what Im like!

You know Viltris Im just not the ladies man like you or whatever the word is......Im not good with words anyways.I just need girl to show interest in me HAHAHA

[Viltris]

Don't be so hard on yourself, dood. Talking to girls is not an easy thing to do. Just a few years ago, even I had a hard time and got frustrated and even I had to get some advice from friends.

Don't tell yourself that you are a loser and that you will be alone forever. If you don't like yourself, how can you expect others to like you? If you don't like who you are, then figure out who you want to be and improve yourself until you become that person.

If you don't have any interesting stories or anything interesting to say, then make your life more interesting so you have something to say. Go on an adventure or take up a hobby or something.

Obviously, you don't want to do something you don't enjoy doing just for the sake of having an interesting life. Find something you are already interested in and find others who are interested in that same thing. Like how my friends told me that since I enjoy cooking, maybe I should take up a cooking class and meet people there. That way, you're already doing something you enjoy and meeting new people and making new friends is just icing on the cake.

And of course, the single most important piece of advice I have is this: if you truly like who you are, then that's all that matters. It doesn't matter what other people think. If you go about in your life seeking validation from other people, surrounding yourself with so-called "friends" and getting a girl to like you just to prove that you are worth something, then you will only be miserable. Trust me, I know. I spent the better part of a decade being miserable.

If you are truly happy with yourself, then that's all that matters. Friends and loved ones will follow from there, not the other way around. (And if not, then sucks to be everyone else.)

[Guts]

:Q) that is some damn good advice Viltris and thanks!You know I don't think Im a loser but sometimes I feel like it for stupid reasons like this.Im into art and I actually found an art workshop that I could actually afford but its not for abstract art like I do but I really wanted to make friends and I hoped to meet people with the same interests.But of course everyone their besides me and the teacher love abstract art and of course everyone their besides me is older and I mean older haha so I dont think Im going to make friends I can hang out with.Sometimes I try to do things for myself liek this but it back fires and this class is boring! I dont follow "rules" art doesn't have rules and this class is to teach structure.The one thing I dig is the teacher is open and likes abstract so he will throw out some "techniques" for the experimental art I do.

But anyways man Im very happy with myself.Of course sometimes I hate myself or something like that its normal in my opinion but I do love myself and thats why I just want to get chance! I just want people to take the time cus thats what I do!I mean this is the type of girl that if I got a chance with I would do anything!I would show her the love/care and all that stuff that I never got from anyone and its not like Im just trying to sleep with her Im not like that I really want to get to know her and I respect her!I have never felt like this for anyone and Im 24 I feel pathetic!I have never seen anyone soooooooo beautiful!O geez again I feel pathetic cus I think I feel in love with her right when I saw her......which I just realized this.Man I know this now cus when I talked to her I never felt so happy in my life and it was only small talk!But I need to let it go she did reject me so you know I can't dwell and move on someday someone else will hopefully walk into my life and give me the same feelings.The thing is I dont normally fall for someone easy at all so for me to fall for her like this says something about her is different in my eyes.ha ha

[Guts]

At this moment I need to get this off of my mind/chest.

I never grewup in a family that showed these emotions I feel and I never figured out how to express them I guess.My dad was an acholoic (yea I spelt it wrong) and my mom has always been a sad person that prefers to make people feel like sh** to make herself feel good and better then everyone.My whole life all I ever wanted was to show love and to feel love the way I figured it would be.I have never felt this way for anyone like I do for this girl I have been talking about and I dont know how to show it and its really bugging me now cus I feel I will never be able to show these feelings right.I may have never seen real love my whole life but I know what it is and I want it so bad!I never wanted to express it or feel it until I saw this girl!I have hated being alive for most of my life and I use to pray that I wouldn't wakeup for such along time and I feel these feelings and I don't know what to do!Because I haven't ever seen it I don't know what to do!I never cared about love or having it becuase of the way I grewup with my parents always fighting and hating each other and I guess I truly dont understand it.I mean I do and I know what I "want" but it doesn't mean everyone or the girl I like wants it so I just dont know.............I hate it!

Wow it felt really good saying all that crap and getting it out.I think sometimes I just really want to talk to someone you know cus its not good having these feelings all bottled up.But I feel so good now that I just threw that out my mind.........sorry for putting it here though.